HEY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!...

Okay that was rude but it's true! The party has OFFICIALLY moved to a new location.

Somewhere better, somewhere not so...orange.

I have made the hop, skip and jump over to Wordpress and a new address.

Check out the new digs at http://www.thebetterhalfblogs.com/

It's so fancy schmancy.

If you have a subscription through Feedburner (if you signed up for my emails) you will have to REsign up at the new site. I know bummer. But I'm worth it...right?

I have also sent out personal emails to those with Feedburner subscriptions.

I hope you make the jump with me. Trust me, change is good...

The 10 Commandments of Mommy Blogging

There are certain laws one must abide by when blogging. I am here to hold your hand and help you navigate the seedy underworld of mommy blogging....starting now with...

The 10 Commandments of Mommy Blogging

I

You shall have one and only one format. Be it Wordpress or Blogger. Choose wisely, because it's a pain in the ass to change it later.

II

Thou shall learn proper social media etiquette. Your recent stroll down memory lane which resulted in my Facebook time line being hijacked by Mili Vanilli and Criss Cross videos got you hidden (and lucky for you not unfriended) and now I will never see anything you post of substance. This goes for the time you had to RT every #FF you got on that one day when you got a lot (people still do #FF?). I could keep going but you get the gist of what I'm saying here. 

III

You shall remember that becoming a good writer and garnering a large following takes time. I'm sure even The Pioneer Woman and Dooce have written crap they aren't all too proud of. But keep plugging away, one day you'll find your voice.

IV

You shall remember that being a "mom blogger" means being a "mom" first. Yes, you said something funny on Facebook that you later Tweeted but don't worry, you can check how many Likes and RT's you got after bath time.

V

Honor and respect the hard work of the bloggers that came before you and blog along side you. There is enough room on the Internet for all of us. Pulling that bitchy  mom-on-mom shit will do the opposite of what you want it to. This isn't high school.

VI

Thou shall stand for something. This isn't a competition to see who can have the most GFC followers. Be about something even if that something is really nothing, to anyone but you. Write what you know and the like-minded will come to you. Not everyone needs to be the "giveaway" or "snark" queen. Just be you and that will be enough.

VII

Thou shall not steal anothers content. Do I really need to expand on this one? I haven't experienced this first hand because I write drivel that nobody wants to steal, but I know people that have and it sucks. 

VIII

Thou shall not be a bitch. Yes you. It takes all types of moms to make this world go round. I had a c-section, didn't cloth diaper, hardly breastfed and rarely buy organic, what of it? You don't have to keep your opinions to your self, that's what your blog is for, I just don't need you getting all pious from your safe spot behind your @ symbol on Twitter. Whatever floats your family boat, as long as you're not raising the next person to break into my car.

IX

Thou shall not bear false witness against the free crap you were given and asked to write a post about. If it sucks, say it sucks. Fluffing up the sippy cup the spilled all over your car in hopes of getting more crappy sippy cups will definitely get you more sippy cups (at first)...but it will also get you less respect, which will get you less readers, which will get you less (you guess it) free crappy sippy cups.

X

You shall not covet thy fellow bloggers layout, buttons, headers, banners, logo, Twitter name, or anything else that doesn't belong to you. This goes for stealing too. People pay good money for that shit. You want it, pay for it too. 

Have something to add? I'm all ears. 

It's Mommalogue time again and this time it's a doozy...

This is what happens when you take you kid to work at SheKnows.com. They decorate her.

Am I the only one who has a Holiday Hangover? I'm tired, my family is gone so i'm lonely and I took all my decorations down so my house is so 'uncheery'.

Christmas Day 2011

I hate January. On top of the HH, all I can think about is doing my taxes. I'm a lot of fun, can you tell?

December came and went with a flash, especially since we have a toddler running around. Just keeping the tree intact was a feat in of itself. Presents, wrapping papers...it was all a red and green blur.

I learned something of myself, and please tell me if you are like this too, but I am ANNOYING when I have guests. I can fully admit this, I am big enough of a woman.

I can't tell you how many times I shusshed people for talking too loud (I come from the worlds LOUDEST family AND I have all wood floors in a house that loves to echo) when the baby was napping and graned every time people ate (I also come from the worlds MESSIEST family).

I'm surprised people keep something back to visit us. I need to drink more and relax. It's just crumbs and the kid can sleep through an air raid drill. What exactly is my major malfunction?

Well, like I said, the holidays are over and on to prepare for 2012.

Apparently it's the end of the world. Let's all start hoarding ammo and bottled water.

There are some bat shit crazy people out there who believe this crap. Am I afraid? Yes. But I am afraid of them. I told Rutherford that we are not leaving our house that entire week.

He told me that he doesn't think that anyone is going to come into our little lake community with perfectly manicured lawns and SUV's in the driveway.

Hey you never know, right? The ducks could go nuts or the soccer mom down the road could sudden fall off her nut.

It could happen you know.

If you need ammo or bottled water, you know where to look.

The other big news here in the Yontz house is that Audrey is deep in the throws of the terrible twos. Fun. The other day I had my first major public meltdown and I started drinking again. (Okay, well I never stopped drinking but you know what I mean.)

Audrey took out an entire display of shoes at Sketchers while screaming NO NO NO.

All I could think is that if I can't handle this kid at 2 I am royally effed in 10 years.

And I cried.

Like really cried and my lovely husband told me not to freak out becasue if I freak out, he's going to freak out and that doesn't help anyone involved. He also told me that i'm a great mom and reassured me that we're not going to end up on Dr.Phil one day.

I was finally able to breath again and regroup. I bought a back yard climber on Craigslist and now I toss her outside to run around to her little hearts content and now so too tired to terrorize me.

Problem solved...so far.

We've also had a big week on the Mommalogues. We got ourselves a real live celebrity ya'll.

Miss DJ Tanner herself, Candace Cameron Bure is now on the Mommalogue panel. She will be posting 3 times a week on all the things we chat about.

And am I the only one who still thinks her brother is dreamy? I want to ask if I can go over to play at her house after school so I can bump into him in the kitchen.

And now our weekly wrap-up:

On Monday we talked about what we are looking forward to the most in 2012. Well, besides baracading myself into my house while harding ammo and bottled water, I am looking forward to an addition to my family. Watch my video and see exactly what I'm talking about HERE.

Tuesday we talked education for our kids. Audrey is almost 2 and already I am getting asked about what school she’s wait listed at and all that goes along with that. Really? She’s 2 people. But since people are asking, of course I start panicing. So now it’s schools, tuition, private vs. public, uniforms, 2 days a week, 3 days a week… my head is spinning. Was it always this difficult? Remember when the school closest to your house was where you were going? What happened to that? I need a drink. Watch this video HERE.

Wednesday we talked about every woman's passion. Shoes. I love shoes, I really do. I mean, come on, I’m a girl right? It’s part of the job requirement. However, you wouldn’t know that I am such a shoe freak if you actually saw my feet at any given time. I’m either barefooted, in old Havayana flip flops or in running shoes. Apparently I just like to buy nice shoes to look at them, not to actually put on my feet. The problem is that I own tons of heels. Heels that I no longer wear because they A) make me taller than my husband and B) my current boss (aka Audrey) doesn’t require them to go with my uniform. So until he either grows or she changes the workplace dress code, the heels will stay in the closet. See this HERE.

Thursday, we're talking hot topic alert. Breast feeding. For some reason the interwebs go balistic when you talk about this. I was actually a little nervous before this topic when life on the site. Was I going to be getting hate mail and death threats from "those moms"? So far, so good. Watch my video HERE and tell me what you think. Am I wrong? I can take it. 

On Friday we were asked what we thought the hardest part about being a mom was. Um, have a seat, this might take awhile. The hardest part about being a mom, for me, isn’t the day-to-day parenting. It was figuring out how to be a parent. The how, when, where, and why of being a mom is the part that still exhausts me. You would think it would be the day-to-day actual “doing” in parenting that would be the hard part. But in reality it was learning how to “do” to begin with that drained me the most. Maybe that’s why the 2nd child is supposed to be easier than the first. Or at lease that’s what I hear. I’ll let you know when I get there. Watch HERE.

So there you have it. What do you think of this weeks topics and answers? How are you planning on dealing with all the crazy asses in the world this year? Do we bother paying our taxes since the world is going to end. Do you think the IRS will take that as an answer? 

Mommalogues Weekly Round-up!

Ahh another week has past and that leaves us with another week of the Mommalogues! So let's get to it...

On Monday we tackled the idea of gift giving. Specifically, gift giving to me and how important it is for me to get the perfect gift. As you will see, I am all heart, I just want my family to be happy blah blah blah at Christmas time. But Mother's Day... Now that's where I get my jollies. Don't you screw up my Mother's Day.

Watch you warning HERE.

Tuesday was all about the cookie. Now my mother-in-law is like a cookie sensi, cookie master or cookie ninja, if you will. Find out why I am so fat HERE.

Wednesday we strolled down memory lane and talked about what was the best thing that happened to us in 2011. For me it was finally making an honest man out of Rutherford. I am no longer getting the milk for free, living in sin, or shacking up. On top of that I will always remember 2011 as the year my baby went for a baby to a toddler. ::mommy tear:: See it HERE.

On Thursday, ugh, we talked about the worst thing that has happened to us in 2011. Now, we are very blessed and can't really complain about anything this year (unlike a lot of people, thank you God). But if I have to pick out one thing I could have lived without, it would be wrecking Rutherfords car. And a friends brand new Lexus. In my driveway. At the same time.

Feel my humiliation HERE with me.

And on Friday we were asked what our kids wanted for Christmas. I answered for Audrey, I hope she doesn't mind. Watch her video HERE.

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas. I know we did here. Love you all!

Let's catch-up with the Mommalogues!!

Okay so I'm a little behind on my posts. Between showing you how awesome Beauty Society is and picking a winner for my ErinCondren.com contest (Congrats Bobbie!), it's been kinda crazy.

But worry not, dear soul, for I am here to spread my particular brand of joy and drivel.

On Tuesday we talked about TV and kids. In my video I go from one extreme to the other and come to the realization at the end that my husband will kill me when he sees how much TV our child actually watches.

But I swear, it's really not that much, right? Watch HERE.

On Wednesday we gave our birth stories. Mine was glorious and fabulous, mostly because they give you some kick ass drugs in the hospital. I don't know why more people don't give birth more often.

Watch me recount the story of my brief foray into the world of Michael Jackson HERE.

On Thursday we discussed pregnancy cravings, of which mine were notorious in the Yontz family. I still can't look at a box of Lucky Charms the same again. Find out why HERE.

And last, but certainly not least, we have Friday where we discussed our favorite Christmas gift we ever received. Awww....Watch HERE.

Yeah! Now you're all caught up. Now don't we all feel better?

Pimple free in 2012 with Beauty Society? Yes please!

I would like to preface this whole deal by saying one thing: I love my baby. Like a lot a lot. She's cute and super cool and smells good (sometimes) and makes me a better person all around.


However...


She ruined my body. Like a lot a lot.


I have saggy swingy boobs now. My belly is "interesting" (but discovering a little gem called Yummie Tummie has been helping with that). And my skin. Ugh, don't get me started on my skin. It's ruined. It's terrible. Like embarrassingly terrible.


Like fifteen year old boy who's voice is cracking, eats pizza 5 times a day and works the fryer at McDonalds terrible.

Exhibit A

I know, right? And this was on a GOOD day!


I was one of those lucky girls in high school who didn't have to deal with teenage acne. And I told anyone that would listen that I never took my makeup off at night and used bar soap every day on my life.


It was awesome.


And then I gave birth to Audrey.


*facepalm*


So I have this amazing friend named Silvia who has been telling me about this beauty line called Beauty Society where she is a "Diva".


Beauty Society is a company founded by a woman named Jeannie Lorin who says, in her own words, that she is "obsessed with helping women obtain their Full Potential In Beauty, Financial Dreams and Giving Back to the world!" Not a bad goal to have, if I do say so myself. 


What she has created is a beauty empire with a conscience, where women can run and control their own businesses in an 'everyone wins' business model while giving back to women throughout the world. 

Getting back to me...

Now I'm more of a complainer, not so much a doer. I mean she's been telling me about her line for EVER and I pretty much just preferred to sit and whine about how crappy my skin was. Doing something, well, that would be way too proactive for me.


And then this beautiful little care package came in the mail...(by the way, it's probably the best smelling package I've ever received too. Like how you would imagine a love letter from Elle Woods would be.)

Now mind you when you look at how much of the cleanser I've used...I got this back in SEPTEMBER, it is now mid DECEMBER!


First off, we have Set Me Free pore clearing cleanser. Um, LOVE. This is the description on the site:

Break free from the shackles of excess oil, impurities, congested pores and those horrible nuisances called 'breakouts'. Made entirely of fresh natural cleansing agents derived entirely from tea tree, sage, thyme and eucalyptus, this amazingly powerful, oil free cleanser was created for those with normal-to-oily blemish-prone skin types to purify pores deep down where the issues start. Set your best face forward from this day on with beautifully clearer, healthier skin.

My description is that it's a bottle of awesomeness that smells all minty and fresh. Easily removes eye makeup and doesn't make my face feel all dried out. I use it every time I wash and even with a face scrub brush for extra exfoliation. 

Next we have Drama Free (don't you just love the name?) repair serum. This is what the site says about it:

Your life has enough drama. Make your skin one less thing to worry about. Let this ultra-powerful, cutting edge serum take the 'drama' away from multiple skin issues related to sun-damage, fine lines, rosacea, scarring, acne, laser or chemically treated skin. Ingredients like soluble betaglucans, superoxide dismutase and sodium hyaluronate will work overtime to bring back the youthful glow and continue to teach the skin to repair itself. Now the drama in your life won't show on your face.

I have to say, this stuff works. I have been so worried about the long term damage to my skin (marks and scars) due to the break outs and this stuff has been working hard to clear it all away. I am positive my skin wouldn't look as great as it does now without it.

Now my FAVORITE MUST NEED YOU HAVE TO BUY NOW item is Blemish 911. Observe...

Stop picking and let this wonder gel soothe, fight bacteria, and fix that pesky blemish. Salicylic acid cleans the pores while hydrating algae, betaglucans, green tea and cornflower go to work so that irritation, redness and inflammation don't take over your face. Then, an invisible seal covers and protects the blemish from pollutants and makeup. Those blemishes don't stand a chance against the hop-to-the-rescue super gel. 

Okay, my description? This little blue bottle is full of acne voodoo and kickassedness (is that a word? It is now.) No seriously, it is. I put it on a jerkface pimple at night and like magic, all gone by morning. If you're going to by one troubleshooting product, this would be it.

And last but not least we have Anytime Anywhere time-released moisturizer.

Smooth it on baby! Anytime. Anywhere. This time-released, age-fighting moisturizer isn't called the 'smart moisturizer' for nothin'. Working with the skin's own natural moisturizing lipids, Anytime, Anywhere perfectly balances any skin type -- normal, oily or dry. Worn day and night, this silky soft lotion delivers deep down hydration, while also fighting back the hands of time with Vitamins A, C and E.

I will admit one thing about myself here, I am a moisturizer snob. I have been know to shell out some serious coin on stuff like La Mer, Shiseido and Dr.Perricone. I know good moisturizer when I see it. And ladies, let me tell you...I saw it! This is my new go-to for my face. No heavy perfume, creamy texture and non-greasy. What's not to love. 

So now for the end result...

Sexy beast. 

So, now other than having had 1 problem with the packaging of my moisturizer, I'm a Beauty Society convert and you can be too. (My issue was quickly address, corrected and replaced. How's that for great customer service?) Silva is offering 10% off your order from now until January 13th, 2012 with the code SILVIA10. You can get this deal ONLY if you order from her own page. So be aware of that when you place you order. Just so you know, they aren't JUST a skincare line! Check out the skin care (anti-aging/daily/acne), make-up, perfume AND even that super amazing awesome Enormous Lash that makes your lashes and even eyebrows grow and fill in. I'm asking Santa for that this year, I HATE my lashes!

Afraid to try it out? Don't be! All Beauty Society products are 100% money back guaranteed for 1 year on skin care (30 days on makeup) so it's completely RISK FREE! You can't even get that kind of deal at the department stores. (Trust me, I've tried to return products, it doesn't go over so well with the perfume jockeys.) If that's not kickass enough, certain products are recyclable and REFILLABLE. Yes, you read that right. You get a discount when you buy refills as opposed to buying a whole new bottle. Genius.

Try it out, you won't be sorry. Get to know Silvia, she's super nice. I've known her half my life so she's pretty legit. :)

Are you looking to find a new product? Whats your trouble area? Have you tried Beauty Society before? 

Now for the legal sounding crap. Other than having been given product for review, I was not compensated in any way for my glowing review and was not swayed in any other way. I just really think they are awesomesauce. Now go order from Silvia. You're welcome.

Today we turn 1!!

Today is a big day for my piddly little blog. Today is my 1 year blogaversary.

Woohoo!

We made it a whole year! Can you believe it? With all the drivel and crap I spew, people are still reading. And it's not just me and my mother-in-law anymore!

What started out as a place for me to gripe, bitch and moan has turned into a career.

From my first post detailing in how I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, to today's Mommalogues.

It's been an amazing ride and I have YOU, yes YOU, to thank for it.

I am so humbled but your support, comments and kind words. They keep me going, keep me posting and keep me motivated to continue to spew my BS for many more years to come.

You may have just shot yourself in the foot with that one.

So Thank You. From the bottom of my heart.

Every misspelled word, poorly phrased run-on sentence, and recounted humorous story about my husband, is all for you.

Thank you.