Wow, it feels like it's been forever since I've posted. Probably because it has been. Sorry!
Since the birthday party, we've had 2 other parties at our house and a 4 day visit from 15 year old triplets.
Let me repeat: 15 YEAR OLD TRIPLETS.
There honestly should be a bronze statue of their parents. There should be a bronze statue of all parents of multiples, for that matter.
These particular set are Rutherford's cousins and we love them. They are too much fun even when I'm telling them to get off the roof (yup!) and that, No, I'm not going to let them watch The Hangover because I am afraid their mom will kill me.
On top of seeing things in 3's, I also caught a case of the stomach flu. Well, Boogie gave me a case of the stomach flu.
That day was a really fabulous day since I was all high on exercise endorphins from Zumba class the night before, so Rutherford and I decided to pop open a good bottle of wine before he started his month long "alcohol fast".
(Just for the record, the MONTH LONG alcohol fast should last, say, I don't know, just throwing out ideas here so stop me if I'm wrong but A MONTH! I'll be sure to remind Rutherford of that, as soon as he puts his drink down.)
We drank, we laughed, we played Scrabble.
The next day I felt a bit odd. A little hung over which was surprising because I had only 2 and a half glasses of wine. And yeah, I'm a bit of a lightweight, but Good Lord, not THAT big of one!
As the day progressed things went down hill and by the time Rutherford got home from work I was a crying puddle on the floor of the living room. Complete with barf on my shirt (still not sure if it was mine or Boogies), in my hair (probably mine), and a baby with a dirty diaper (for sure not mine).
The look on his face when he saw me was one of 'oh dear Lord please say I walked into the wrong house because this mess cannot belong to me'.
I'll spare you the rest of the details but the next 3 days were not very fun, for either of us. But we're now completely healed and healthy AND 4 pounds lighter, thankyouverymuch.
So the other day I was once again on an exercise high from Zumba class the night before, so I decided to clean the garage in order to fit MY car in. You see, recently Rutherford purchased a very pretty convertible, which kicked my mom car out of the coveted garage spot. Pish!
I am taking back the garage! Dammit!
There is something so therapeutic that happens to your soul when purging crap from your life. But there is also the sadness that comes from putting stuff away.
The cute stuff, not all the crap. The infant carrier, the baby swing, the pack & play, the walker, the bouncy....
All the stuff that my, now toddler, has no use for anymore.
Rutherford says this is a good thing. It means shes healthy and happy and growing. But it breaks my heart just as much as it did the first time I had to clean out her drawers and stash away anything labeled 'Newborn'.
He may not get it but I know you moms do.
We welcome in and are excited for every new stage but at the same time are just a bit sad to say goodbye to the last one.
Among all the crap that was thrown away I found a box that I didn't know I had.
A box from before.
God had a plan for my life much bigger than I would have ever dreamed. A little of advanced warning would have been nice, but that's not how God works.
I was previously married... and after 4 years of dating and 1 year of marriage, I was given a bit of divine intervention in the shape of a 26 year old business card peddler but the name of 'Tanya'.
At the time, like most things like this, it was so tragic. So painful. It was the end of my world.
What do you do with that? You have your whole life settled and planned and it's taken away.
The betrayal. Ugh. Not to mention the 'what if's?' and all the other questions that run through your head. Has she been in my car? My kitchen? My bedroom? Has she met my friends? Do people know? Do I look like the biggest idiot in town?
The problem when you go through this type of thing is that you feel like you NEED to know EVERYTHING. But really, you don't. And you shouldn't.
You can't stop yourself though. You ask, and they answer, usually out of guilt. The answers haunted me, as I'm sure they do for everyone but the good thing about knowing everything thing was that it made it very easy to go from love and pain to hate and disgust. And when you have hate and disgust in your heart, it makes it very easy to just move on.
Exactly what I did.
It's been a few years now and the feelings of hate and disgust have been replaced by gratitude.
I know, huh! Surprised me too! But I am grateful!
Had he not done something so terrible, so drastic, I would have stayed in a marriage I see now, wasn't what marriage is supposed to be like. We were so wrong for each other and I made excuses for the short comings.
One day, not too long after I made a new life for myself, I went for a run. On that run I made a mental list.
THIS is what I'm looking for, THIS is what I will not compromise, THIS is what I am willing to give of myself in return.
And I am proud to say that I have stuck buy the list I made on that day. Every single item. It was easy to do too, because THIS is who came into my life...
We laugh all the time. He kisses me goodbye every morning, even if I'm still asleep. He says 'thank you' for the smallest things. He thinks I'm pretty even if he doesn't like what I'm wearing. He grants me the freedom and respect to be me, and loves me more for it. He appreciates me and what it means to take care of our home and life. He loves my crazy family.
He loves me in a way I have never been loved before. With respect, compassion, appreciation and equality...
I love him for everything he does. He works so hard so that I can stay home and raise our daughter. He is generous, kind and loving (unless you're driving poorly in front of him, then all bets are off). He has the softest heart for animals and children. He still has friends from childhood that he talks to on a regular basis, which I think says a lot about a person. I think he's the handsomest dude I've ever seen, even when his shirt doesn't match his shorts (which happens more than I ever mention:)). I love HIS crazy family.
Every day he gives me 50 more reasons to love him.
Now back to the box.
It's still sitting there. For no other reason other than I need to go through it and make sure there's nothing in it, like personal information, before I toss it all.
And when I do, it will be an uneventful recycling of paper...like junk mail...only with less good stuff like 20% off at Bed Bath & Beyond.
I know I'm lucky that I can look back at this and see the reasoning for it and I know that doesn't happen for everyone. But if it wasn't for the support of my amazing parents, family and friends during those tough times, I'm not sure where I'd be. So thank you to you all.