Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The 10 Commandments of Mommy Blogging

There are certain laws one must abide by when blogging. I am here to hold your hand and help you navigate the seedy underworld of mommy blogging....starting now with...

The 10 Commandments of Mommy Blogging

I
You shall have one and only one format. Be it Wordpress or Blogger. Choose wisely, because it's a pain in the ass to change it later.

II
Thou shall learn proper social media etiquette. Your recent stroll down memory lane which resulted in my Facebook time line being hijacked by Mili Vanilli and Criss Cross videos got you hidden (and lucky for you not unfriended) and now I will never see anything you post of substance. This goes for the time you had to RT every #FF you got on that one day when you got a lot (people still do #FF?). I could keep going but you get the gist of what I'm saying here. 

III
You shall remember that becoming a good writer and garnering a large following takes time. I'm sure even The Pioneer Woman and Dooce have written crap they aren't all too proud of. But keep plugging away, one day you'll find your voice.

IV
You shall remember that being a "mom blogger" means being a "mom" first. Yes, you said something funny on Facebook that you later Tweeted but don't worry, you can check how many Likes and RT's you got after bath time.

V
Honor and respect the hard work of the bloggers that came before you and blog along side you. There is enough room on the Internet for all of us. Pulling that bitchy  mom-on-mom shit will do the opposite of what you want it to. This isn't high school.

VI
Thou shall stand for something. This isn't a competition to see who can have the most GFC followers. Be about something even if that something is really nothing, to anyone but you. Write what you know and the like-minded will come to you. Not everyone needs to be the "giveaway" or "snark" queen. Just be you and that will be enough.

VII
Thou shall not steal anothers content. Do I really need to expand on this one? I haven't experienced this first hand because I write drivel that nobody wants to steal, but I know people that have and it sucks. 

VIII
Thou shall not be a bitch. Yes you. It takes all types of moms to make this world go round. I had a c-section, didn't cloth diaper, hardly breastfed and rarely buy organic, what of it? You don't have to keep your opinions to your self, that's what your blog is for, I just don't need you getting all pious from your safe spot behind your @ symbol on Twitter. Whatever floats your family boat, as long as you're not raising the next person to break into my car.

IX
Thou shall not bear false witness against the free crap you were given and asked to write a post about. If it sucks, say it sucks. Fluffing up the sippy cup the spilled all over your car in hopes of getting more crappy sippy cups will definitely get you more sippy cups (at first)...but it will also get you less respect, which will get you less readers, which will get you less (you guess it) free crappy sippy cups.

X
You shall not covet thy fellow bloggers layout, buttons, headers, banners, logo, Twitter name, or anything else that doesn't belong to you. This goes for stealing too. People pay good money for that shit. You want it, pay for it too. 


Have something to add? I'm all ears. 

20 comments:

  1. I'd say those commandments go for all bloggers, not just mommies (but I have seen a lot of mommies break a few of those commandments like number 8 for example). I have also seen bloggers trying to outdo each other or attempt to look more important or busy than another blogger. Really? Bleh.

    Do what you love and the readers will follow (well, hopefully).

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    1. Agreed. I'm still looking for my voice at times, meanwhile, I just keep talking. It's part of my charm. :)

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  2. Well said, sister. I love the "this isn't high school" party.

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  3. P.S. Thank God this isn't high school.

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    1. I was awesome in high school. Well, not really. Last week on the Mommalogues we were asked what we were like in high school. After an unscientific poll on FB I found out that I was apparently on the swim team (mistaken identity) and I was a NERD because I was the first person people knew WITH THE INTERNET. I shit you not. Sigh.

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  4. I love this! I am a smallish random mommy blog and I feel so out of place sometimes.


    I'm going to keep coveting other blogs sweet layouts but I don't steal 'em! :)

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    1. Covet away, sister. I got mine free on Blogger. I've built this nonsense with my own unqualified hands. Although I should apparently have a "like" button. One thing at a time.

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  5. You go, girl! I HAVE had things stolen.. but you know, you have to choose your battles. That one, I fought, because I was helping the family of a special needs little boy fund raise for a service dog. Ya don't mess with the babies. Ever. The mindless drivel? I ought to order engraved invitations. Maybe then someone will steal it, and someone else will READ it! Look. there's always going to be a bigger, better, cooler, smarter, funnier. But that's just YOUR opinion. To someone ELSE, YOU might be the better, smarter, funnier, cooler. Ya never know. Awesome post!!

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  6. Great advice and cleverly written!

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  7. Thank you for this post! I was actually thinking of giving up my blog recently, and this post helped me realize i didnt need to. Just need to keep being me & it'll work out.
    So, a huge thanks!

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    1. To be honest with you, I was thinking about giving up my blog recently, as well. Then the idea for this post popped in my head.It was basically a message to myself to not give up. I'm so happy that other people have gotten it too. So thank you to YOU and keep going. I'll check your blog out too!

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    2. I think of shutting down my blog on a bi weekly basis but I like to write and I like my true self that I put out there for others to get to know... so I just had to let hopes of becoming some big time blogger go and just do it for myself. It's cheaper than a therapist.

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    3. Amen to that. When you don't have anyone to talk to, you always have the entire internet. I think my wanting to delete my blog is my dramatic side coming out. It is cheaper than therapy, bu at least with a therapist you have someone telling you that you're crazy. :)

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  9. Love it. All of it, well except the first one. I think starting out on blogger, which is a lot easier, and then moving to WP later is a great idea. BUT>..... the thing that gets my panties in a huge wad (sorry TMI) is the bloggers who take every single product for review that is sent to them or offered and every single review is nothing but unicorn pooping rainbows. You can't tell me that all three of the products you reviewed in one day lone were "perfect, fabulous, and just what I needed?". All the blogger sees is free products and money signs, crazy!

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    1. Just in case you were wondering, the few reviews I did were actual unicorn pooping rainbows. Smells like strawberry shortcake.

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