Monday, January 10, 2011

This is the last time I'm going to say this..

Awhile ago, when I first came across the world of mommy bloggers and Twitter moms, my first thought was 'Yay! Friends! Someone else who shares my pain, my experiences, my brand of diapers!'

In my head were visions of us skipping through the meadow, long blond hair flowing in the breeze, holding hands and singing the theme song to The Backyardigans...

Oh boy was I apparently mistaken. (And not only because I don't even have blond hair.)

Don't get me wrong. There are some seriously kick ass Moms (with a capital M) out in the Twittersphere. Those are the cool Moms. The A Group Moms. The ones I can only imagine were Homecoming Queens, and only gained weight in their belly's when pregnant.

I won't name names...but I'm looking at you @sdmomfia.

But there is a small group (thankfully) of moms that get on my last nerve.

I'm sure I'm not going to make any friends here by saying this but I already have friends, thankyouverymuch. And it's my blog, so suck it.

The moms I'm referring to are those judgmental little B's who troll, not only Twitter, but Facebook too, looking for a chance to tell you what you are doing wrong and why. Like someone out there made them Lord all mighty of the Moms. All knowing and all seeing in the world of child rearing. The be all, end all, of motherhood.

True story:
Commented a friendly comment in reply to something a friend had posted on Facebook.

Insert judgmental mom who is not only NOT my friend, but I don't know this woman. So I most defiantly could not give a crap of her opinion on my parenting style or the fact that I have read and used the BabyWise method of sleep training.

Really?! I mean REALLY?!

Excuse me, who are you again? And your name is...?

This woman proceeded to berate me on my lack of love for my Boogie because I have let her cry it out, via the Facebook page of a mutual friend. Huh?

**** Let me just stop right here and clarify something. I DO NOT ignore my child. I have, however, let her cry herself to sleep in order to get her on a sleep schedule starting when she was about 12 days old. The result? I have a happy, healthy, intelligent 10 month old who slept through the night at 7 weeks old. She has a regular sleep schedule, rarely cries and can self soothe better than most adults I know.  Does this work for everyone and their child? No. Will I beat you over the head if you go to your child when she cries? No. Why? Because it's none of my damn business.


I played the bigger woman card.

"Um, I do not know you. I don't need to explain myself to you, whoeveryouare. Please stop talking to me."

Silence. Ahh... Then there it was. That little red notification bugger. She was at it again.

This time she informs me that she had gone through my photos and noticed that I use a Graco Nautilus car seat for Boogie and wanted to know how old she was because according to manufacture directions, children under the age of 1.....blah blah blah.

I stopped reading.

(Her comment, not the manufacturers directions, I've read those...many times. Those of you that know me, know that.)

Note to self: Check privacy settings. 

That's right about when the chick in me that usually takes the high road, took a hike herself, and the  snarky little B in me, reared her ugly head.

This woman was MILD, even NICE (okay, not really) compared to some of the other women I've met on Twitter. Those women? Vultures. Those women? Breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby food making, vaginal birthing, treehuging, uber-moms who's only goal is to make the rest feel bad about our own mommyness.

---> Please know, I do not have anything against doing any of these things for your baby. It is recommended. It is good. It is HARD. You go with your bad self if you can make baby food and wash diapers after birthin' yo baby.... You. Are. A. Rock. Star.

Some of my favorite Mom's cloth diaper and make baby food, and they don't beat me over the head with their Bum Genius. (Looking at you @mamabmy!)

But this is not me.

So do I need to be told multiple times that I must be a terrible mother because I delivered by c-section?

I did not know this but apparently when you deliver vaginally, you release oxytocin, otherwise knows as the love hormone which helps with bonding and maternal instincts.


Because I did not vaginally deliver, I did not give off oxytocin and, therefore, I do not love my Boogie. Am I getting that right?

My new favorite saying: Keep your opinions out of my scar and I'll keep mine out of your vagina.

Do you see this little face?

I live, breathe and die by those brownish-green eyes. I kiss those cheeks goodnight and miss her until she wakes up in the morning. I watch her sleep on the monitor and CRIED the first time I had to let her cry it out, for her own good. I worry daily about the world I brought her into and what it will be for her after I am gone. Most importantly, I think it would be impossible for me to love ANYTHING more than I love this kid and her father.

So if you think for a second,  because I don't breastfeed, won't spin my own cotton to make cloth diapers, can't grow my own vegetable garden for organic baby food or whatever else is new in uber-mommying,.. it means that I don't love that little face and everything attached to it....think again.

Okay, just to clarify, Twitter & Facebook are not crawling with B's. 99.9% of the people I have met are awesomesauce. This post is just me and my encounters with the ridiculousness of mommy-on-mommy judgment.  I'm tougher than the average cookie but not everyone is.  This is for the Moms that are just looking to their peers for advice and conversation and get this crap in return. Can't we all just get along? Kumbaya anyone?


  1. Hey Mama!

    Thanks for the shoutout :D

    And while we parent differently, that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I deal with this ALL THE TIME, women are bitches. Period. Maybe it's jealousy, or lack of intelligence? IDK but there is always a war when it comes to cloth diapering v. sposies, c-section v. vaginal births, breastfeeding v. formula feeding, and so on. It's a bit ridic if you ask me. I may be very opinionated when it comes to MY choices, but I wouldn't judge a mama if she didn't agree.

    So in the end... GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF ;)

  2. ah, those all around perfect moms. The ones who know everything while the rest of us are apparently just plain dumb when it comes to parenting.
    There is always that one mom who feels he need to give her unsolicited advice about how she does it better.
    I, too, let my (18 month old) son cry himself to sleep. I didn't with my first and 4 years later still can't get him to fall asleep on his own or stay in his bed.
    So, I'll go skipping through the meadow with you, and my un-blonde hair, singing to the Backyardigans because I'm 100% with you on this!

  3. Welcome to the interwebs, the home for platform moms! God forbid you use formula, binkies, disposable diapers! The best part is tho, in 3 years or so, when they are on baby #2-3, they will realize how silly they sounded. :)

    Oh, and I guess you missed my post on SDMOMfia about rejoining Weight Watchers. HAHA. But yes, I will admit we are cool group. ;-) You can skip with us any day!

  4. Whoa, that one B was almost stalker status...creepy!

  5. Sing it, Sistah!
    I'm glad you still like me even though I feed from the boob, (sometimes) make baby food, (sometimes) cloth diaper and had 1/3 kids with no meds. Oh wait, you do like me? right? ;)
    When will people just live happily and let others live happily with their decisions for their OWN family?!
    Let's go skipping through the hills.... I have blond hair and you can wear a wig.

  6. OMG people actually said that stuff?!?!?!?! Wow! Good for you!

  7. I hate those moms too. There have been times that they have really made me doubt myself, and it took a down-to-earth gal pal to remind me that it is ME who is raising my son, not those judgmental idiots. But, it can go the other way. I'm so glad you clarified the whole "what's right for you is fine, you go girl" thing. Because I was actually talked down to, TALKED DOWN TO, for making baby food and breastfeeding until 13 months. I've had women talk to me like I'm some kind of idealist hippie (even though I gave birth in a hospital and use disposable diapers). You really can't win, and I've found you just have to ignore it.

  8. Okay, I canNOT believe that woman on FB went through your pictures and commented on your daughter's car seat. And totally obnoxious.

    I do think the connectedness of the webs can be so reassuring when we find like minded moms, but it can also make us feel like crap because some people want us to believe they're doing everything right and have it all together. Truth is, they probably don't.

  9. Love you!!! Let me say that again, from one C-Section mama to another. I Love You!

  10. I loved this post so much I read it aloud to my roomie. So funny! And this kinda of uber-judgment lurks in the dark corners of the internet waiting to strike on just about any topic, whether it be mommy-ing or movies, video games, comics, my online novels... doesn't matter. Some people just think they know best and you just have to let them walk tall and hope they walk on someplace else with their tall self.
    Funny stuff, sister. Loves you.

  11. People who are hypercritical of others, in my opinion, are insecure. What is it, I wonder, about this crazed/stalker-type that makes her think the only way to feel good about her own parenting is to put others down?

    I had some woman in a restaurant criticize me for wiping my son's face with a paper napkin. I did not lose one second sleep or experience any guilt whatsoever, though I did spend a few minutes wondering what the hell her problem was.

  12. Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my c section scarred self!


  13. Preach! I hate when I ask for help and get "yelled" at. I feel bad enough for all my shortcomings as a parent, but I love them and I'm trying.

  14. I'm not sure where to start, so let me begin by asking a simple question. Who the fuck has enough time in their day to go through all your pictures looking for brands of car seats and shit like that? If that doesn't scream "LOSER" I don't know what does.

    Since she has so much free time, maybe she can come by my blog. I'm sure there's plenty for her to criticize there.

    You would not believe the judgment I get from people--especially moms. Some people have a belief that there is no way a dad can raise a girl by himself and I hate that closed minded attitude.

    As far as I'm concerned these chicks (dudes too) that want to be all judgmental can all lick my ass. Their kids will probably end up being pussies while ours grow up to be strong adults. maybe our kids can give their kids a break and hire them at minimum wage to do some menial labor...

  15. I have no time for this nonsense from invisible people I have no intention of ever meeting. If you are invisible and you do not add to my life in a positive way?

    Then you become not only invisible but silent.


    I don't do Facebook for the very reason you described. I am not going to be bonked over the head with some unknown other's judgment. Not going to take that crap.

    If you give me serious rude crap on Twitter? I am blocking you. Bye bye.

    If you email me rude crap? I am adding you to my list of blocked senders.

    And if you come to my blog and you are rude? Delete. Delete. Delete.

    Intelligent discussion? Yes . . . bring it on. Any time, any place.

    Rude insulting judgmental words?


    If you can't play nicely and get along?

    Then I will get along without you.

    Lovely post, Nicole.

    Don't take crap from anyone.

  16. I loved it, and since that person was actually my "friend", I totally get it. I also fall into that category of got induced, and ended up having a C-section. Big effin deal! At that point in my pregnancy, I would have done ANYTHING to get her out of me :) I also breastfeed (trying to wean now) and made my own babyfood, but NEVER gave a shit what anyone else did. Its none of my business, nor do I have time to care about anything but my amazing daughter and husband. Every Mom is different, and every Mom has their own opinions. I actually have quite a few opinions and much inside information about the big B mentioned in this blog, but will keep it to myself, as I also choose to take the high road. I also used some of the Babywise methods and my daughter is just like Audrey. Slept through the night at 9 weeks, and is very good at soothing herself. I know for a fact that this is NOT the case with the big B's child. Miss Nicole, I'm glad you shared this story, cause the day this all happened I felt so bad because I knew you both, and didn't understand why the big B was being such a B :) Love ya girl! You are a wonderful mother, and Audrey is all the proof you need!!!!!!

  17. I cannot remember how I managed to stumble across your awesome blog, but thank you! I really wish EVERYONE would think this way, sometimes including my own mother. I still have to explain why I don't make my own baby food for my son who is 10 months old, why I don't use cloth diapers, why I choose to do the things that make my house a happier place to live. Thank you again. And from what I have are an awesome mom.

  18. All of your comments are AMAZING to me. I was nervous a bit about posting this. Thank you! Woohoo!

  19. I wish I could be a perfect mama who never made mistakes and knew exactly the right way to parent.... wouldn't that be a best selling book!

    You have to ignore the women like that... they're useless to all around them.

    You know what's best for your own child.

  20. But what if I want your opinion in my vagina? I don't but you know, if did?

    I really like your voice and enjoyed reading this. Good luck w/ the little darling and the blog!

  21. Hi! Oh Em Gee! Your did not have a vaginal birth??? Everyone knows that in addition to popping a baby out of your birth canal, there are rainbows and glitter and BEST MOM IN THE WORLD banners.

    Also, I sure hope you breastfed because everyone knows that that is the ONLY WAY to feed a baby. And hey, I tell you what, you go ahead and send me your kid's sleep schedule and I will approve it and make helpful edits.

    Because everyone should raise kids the way I do! Why, I look at my BEST MOM IN THE WORLD banner that came out of my vagina everyday! And it brings such a warm glow to my face and my privates!


  22. @San Diego Momma
    Okay, you win, that was the best comment ever.

    Apparently i'm missing out on the warm glow to my privates....DAMN YOU C-SECTION!

  23. Amen, sister. AMEN. Everything you said...right one the money. Different things work for different mamas. If we all did it the same, can you imagine how boring life would be? I mean, what would the judgmental mamas do, then? They'd have soooo much free time!

    Love this post. Love that you said it.

  24. I LOVE IT! You could not have said it any better. The beautiful thing about being a mommy is being an individual and doing what is best for your individual family! People like that are miserable with themselves and that is exactly why they pick on others. Be glad that you are you - and not her, it must be painful for her to even sit with herself.

  25. I think that same self-righteous nutcase slammed me about three months ago! And for the record, I birthed vaginally and breastfed, but, alas, I took the advice of my saintly ped and let both boys cry it out, and I would do it over and over and over again.

    The whole world heaved a sigh of relief when I got Jax on a sleep schedule.

    People in glass houses and all that....


  26. funny post...and...uhm stalker know it all. It's funny there are moms & dads who do this! Yes, dads! I just started blogging and my first blog post was this dad telling me what a bad job I was doing on a post I wrote about getting my kids to eat dinner. I agree with houses!